I don't think I'll ever be able to describe the feeling you get when you watch your family drive away from you for the first time in your life. I wanted to run after them, but I knew that would look pretty loserish to the orientation leaders that were standing outside with me. I wanted to cry because you can't have a monumental moment without crying, but all I could feel was my heart sinking as they drove farther and farther away. I've found that I never can cry at the right times. All I feel is emptiness, and the tears come later when no one can see them, making me look like a heartless icewoman. Which is true, sometimes. But wow, going up the elevator to my room alone was one of the hardest things to do.
It's so weird, to realize that I am alone in this dorm room for the next 3 days, that not until Saturday will it finally hit me that I am in college, that I am not allowed to be a child any longer. For me, it's bothersome to make new friends. If you knew me in high school, I was so incredibly quiet until senior year. I'm so scared of being alone, and even more scared of being rejected. God, help me.
But here I am, at a college that I am getting more and more excited about the longer that I'm here, sitting in a BALLIN' dorm room that has one of the most beautiful views of campus, awaiting the arrival of an incredible roommate, and about to face a year that will completely change my life.
Yes, pictures are coming, and yes a video will be coming.
But not until I get over the shock, and not until my heart stops feeling like it weighs a thousand lbs.
Goodbye to you,
Goodbye to everything that I knew
I wanted to write a letter to everybody before I left, but only managed to write to a few. I hated that my goodbyes seemed so unfulfilled and so unreal, but this is so far from being a goodbye. And if you're reading this, you can be pretty sure that I'm missing you a lot right now. Unless you're really annoying or somebody that randomly friended me on Facebook that I don't even know but accepted anyways. Just kidding, you're included.
Ugh, a good cry right now would be so liberating. But when have my tear ducts ever cooperated?
CBC, grow in ways that you never thought you could. Worship leaders, step it up and don't ever be afraid to look like a fool for Christ. Junior high girls, I can't wait to see you when I get back and see how much you've grown and gorgeous-ified. Mother, make me proud. CASES, shandylyn, carshandylyn, JACESS, spazmonkeys, I love you and I always will. My fellow seniors, it's time to be babies again and soak up everything that we can. Rising seniors, it's up to you, now. Adam and Ashley, take care of our teens group. Shannon, take care of this worship team.
See you later. :)
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darling carolyn
your words bring tears to my eyes, they really do. i have to tell you, that email you sent out really hit home. i have made the decision to get baptized when i can (if i dont end up missing all those stupid classes), and your email is one of the reasons. I have always wanted to reach out to the younger girls, but i was honestly afraid of rejection. your email hit home though; i realized that after this years seniors left, it would really be up to the classes of 09 and 10 to take care of the teens group. I so so want to just leave it to the others, but God didn't give me a caring heart for that. With Debby leaving, I realized that this is our time, and we need to make the most of it. your email tied it all together, so thank you.
on a lighter note, im positive that you will do amazing in college. I know its weird now, and it'll continue to be weird for a little while, but please...continue to grow and bloom into the beautiful blossom that you're meant to be (i know, it sounded SO cheesy, but i had to put in something about flowers lol).
i miss you already.
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